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Is your wife a sport?* [Oct. 16th, 2005|03:18 pm]
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* Monty Python, -Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink-

5 Minute Sports Movie:

Hero: See my skills?
Hero's Dad: Yes. Get back to work. You suck.
Hero: But I didn't want to be a coal miner. I wanted to be a Lumberjack!
Hero's Dad: You mean a Sport player.
Hero: ... yess... that's what I meant...
Hero's Dad: Sport is too sissy. Do My Thing instead.

Coach: I love the way you use the skills from your Dad's Thing to play Sport. You're the best I've seen.
Hero: Yeah, who'd have thought it'd all work out that way?
Coach: You've gotta play for me.
Hero: Can't. Dad won't let me.
Coach: D'oh! Don't go behind his back or anything. That'd be wrong.

Hero: Hey, the Evil Rich Rival just cheated! Hey! Did you see that? Umpire? Umpire?
Umpire: ...
Hero: I get the feeling this isn't gonna be fair.

Hero's Dad: I know you've been playing behind my back. You're in so much trouble, mister!
Hero: I just want to-
Hero's Dad: Forget it. Do My Thing.

Hero: It's not fair.
Love interest: I feel for you. But you have to win, otherwise you're nothing to me.

Understanding Aunt: You see, Dad used to play Sport, but something bad happened, and stuff. Now he resents it.
Hero: Now I understand. But if I win, I'll prove him wrong!
Understanding Aunt: Yes, if you win...

Hero: Actually, Dad _will_ let me play Sport.
Coach: Good. Now if only we could raise the money.
Money: Here I am. What a coincidence somebody just gave me to you, hunh?
Coach: Get on with it!

Hero: Here I am at the big match, and look! It's Evil Rich Rival!
Evil Rich Rival: I'm totally going to beat you now.
Hero: Oh, no! I've got to beat him to win.
Umpire: Yes, it's not as if there are any other players in this match.
Hero: Agh! I didn't win! I can't believe it!
Evil Rich Rival: Yes, but I respect you now. See, I'm the first one clapping.
Hero's Dad: But I'm the second! Don't forget me. See, I'm secretly watching. And now I'm clapping, too!
Audience: We all are! We love you now!
Love Interest: I love you, too.

Hero: What a sucky ending. Shyah, as if I'd end the movie like that. I know, let's do the Scooby Doo ending!
Hero: Evil Rich Rival is really Old Man Withers who runs the abandoned arcade!
OMW: I would've got away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!

Hero: Now let's do the ultra-happy ending!

Umpire: Yes, it's not as if there are any other players in this match.
Hero: Yay! I won! I can't believe it!
Evil Rich Rival: Yes, and I respect you now. See, I'm the first one clapping.
Hero's Dad: But I'm the second! Don't forget me. See, I'm secretly watching. And now I'm clapping, too!
Audience: We all are! We love you now!
Love Interest: I love you, too.
Hero: WooHoo! Now let's do the sequel.
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